User Profile

I was born Alejandro Gonzales Marquez until my family defected from their native Spain, due to a horrific incident with the local authorities involving a camel, three pineapples, and a stick of glue. The details are unknown to me, as only the blurry photographs remain of my true history, photographs which are guarded by my own personal bridge-troll, Ned. When I was five I published my first thesis ninth dimensional physics, which, although in a somewhat protean form, did manage to make a few waves within the imaginary physics community. By age ten I had birthed my first child, lovely little Julia Roberts, named, naturally, after her mother. By age twelve I had written the Award-Winning novel "Tuesdays with Morrie," and by age thirteen I had become one of People Magazine's "Top 20 Sexiest Pubescent Boys". Since then, I have taken four-year sabbatical, as I wish to connect with my estranged children, and, most importantly, recover from the towering deluge of lies that I just told.

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